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Lots of beer, no women. The Tap House, downtow Seattle. Pass one round ...

Road Trip Worthy: Big Jake's Cattle Company, Van Buren, AR

This might not even be the best steak around Fort Smith, Arkansas, but this place is the perfect place to grab a bite and a beer after a long drive.   Years ago, I left a piece of my heart here ... nuff said. Also check out the Electric Cowboy.  It might be the best bar in Arkansas.   Just be wardrobe conscious: or you get comments like: "That's an awful fancy shirt yer wearing."

Oh, and if some guy tells you that he'd like to take 'nekkid pictures' of 'yer lady' -- but that he 'does it all classy style-like, ya know, like on a motorcycle or something', I say go for it.

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500 pushups!

You may have caught some moments on the timelapse video where I appear to be humping the ground ... if you look carefully, my pants are actually on.  I was attempting to do 50 pushups a day before going out drinking.  Mostly, I did a good job of that, but a couple nights I forgot and had a beer before the pushups, and one night I just couldn't do anymore.  I know 50 pushups doesn't sound like a lot, but when you're a chain-smoking, tequila-drinking slob, 50 is quite a few. Well, today, I hit 500 pushups for our trip.

I feel a little better about myself, but one of my heroin-skinny shirts won't button over my chest anymore. Here's me remembering to do pushups in the Albany bar in Cheyenne. That's brown lightning, baby.

Night Shots: Whiskey, Girls, Beer and Girls

It was only fitting since I've already covered LODO, it was more important to meet some of the people that work and party here.

TONS - I mean LOTS of nightlife photos after the break.

First off, meet Danielle. She likes mining.

And when not mining, is a stunning woman. (OK, she's still sexy when mining.)

She invited Zoo to mine.

And it was like a magical elixir:  

So he started other prospecting:

Which was taken so favorably that he was rewarded with some dances on the bar:

Meet Beth - her husband works here (he's on the left, and a damn cool guy). It took about two hours, but the gal with the best hair in Denver, a self-proclaimed pacifist, finally let one loose on him.

And it wasn't the last.

During a smoke break, we met two incredibly intelligent and sexy women:

And Zoo just doesn't know when to accept only a kiss...

Again demonstrated here:

All in all, this bar is downright fun.

Just watch out when they bring you the check...

Exceptional Bar: the Blake Street Vault

I've been to a lot of bars in my life.  Few have had the right mix of music, atmosphere, women and decor.

The Blake Street Vault is one of those places that just got it right.  The owners, who have owned 14 bars previously, overlooked no details in putting this place together.   After finishing dinner across the street, we spotted the beautiful lighting and just walked into what was to become a fantastic evening.

More pictures and commentary after the break ...

These are the owners, Carol and Jim.  Wonderful people with a great story and a great bar.

After a few massive chalice-sized beers, Carol invited us to taste whiskey.  The owners went down to the Jack Daniel's Distillery and selected a barrel of "Single Barrel", a super-fine whiskey, individually crafted, signed, which produces 240 bottles, which are labeled with the owner's name and bar.  Carol allowed us to taste the Single Barrel along side the standard #7 and Gentleman Jack.  I think it speaks to our palattes that Spammer and myself both preferred the standard #7 ... but it was a great experience. Carol gave us the whole history of the Single Barrel and even more.  We love people who are enthusiastic about their trade.

This is a shot of the bar from above.  It's only been open for 5 weeks, so there was still room to move.  Expect that to change.

We did miss a clear picture of the custom-installed and absoutely gorgeous tin ceiling.    You can just make it out above, but it's one of the many touches that the Blake Street Vault employs to make it one of the most beautiful bars that I've seen.

We didn't get to taste the food, but if the passion and attention to detail that we saw in other aspects of this place are put into dining as well, I have a feeling we will be eating a lot of meals here in the future.

I think the fire's back ...

Day Shots: Pool, Beer and Barmaids

Zoo and I headed over to Tarantula Billiards for some beer and pool. Four games, and I won the most. Yeah! I have to say that Zoo is an excellent teacher and I COMPLETELY sucked at pool before. Now I am quite a bit better, and still haven't won by dropping the 8 ball, but I have skillfully blocked Zoo into a scratch on the 8 ball more than once. =D Our new favorite beer: 90 Shilling (and some Blue Moon in the Broncos glass):

More photos and grab-ass after the break.

Brandi shows us her Thursday tattoo. Apparently, it's an obscure band from New Jersey. I believe Zoo is pointing to where the wedding ring goes...

Danielle didn't know what was coming...

but certainly knew how to handle it. She's 21 - we checked - so it's legal for her to hit Zoo.

Zoo said he liked it and wanted one more...

Anyhoo, this is a fantastic billiards bar. Come play when you are here, but avoid table 16, it has a massive westward drift.

Cheyenne After Dark

When we walked out of our hotel tonight, it looked like it was going to be a dead night in Cheyenne.   We were persistent and headed to a bar by the train depot called Shadows, where we met a great, fun group of folks. We knew things were going to be awesome when we ordered 2 beers and 2 anejo tequila shots and the total was 12 dollars.

read more to see the rest of the action...

Shortly after, we met Tyler (in white) and Tesla-man.  I think his name was Mike. Or Mark.   Tyler was totally cool, and within 5 minutes of meeting us felt comfortable enough to break out our first "Harold and Kumar" comment.  Tyler, if you read this, remember to go to the Green Street bar in Salt Lake City.

Spammer is having his ass grabbed in this picture.

And then I tried one of my famous pick-up lines again, this time with the lovely Chutney.  I may have said "I want some chutney on my shish kebab".

I think it speaks to my skill with the ladies that I only got punched once.  Spammer tried this with the following result:

We moved on to another bar at Tyler's invitation, and wouldnt-ya-know, another right hook.

Shortly after, we met Steve Stinger, who we warned to not continue with the crazy hair after the age of 29.

Inside the bar, we met the other brown man in cheyenne: Valentino.  He was pimp.

Then I lost at pool and got angry:

And that was that.

One Night in Salt Lake City

You might have some preconceptions about SLC.  No booze, Mormon sensibilities, etc.  We can say definitively that this is not your dad's Salt Lake. Beer is good.   We've had a lot of beer this trip, some excellent, so our standards are a little high right now.

We went to Squatter's Brewpub first, and although some of the beers were pretty average, none were offensive, and two, the Porter and Stout, were excellent. chocolate-ty, barley-laden, thick as mensies.

More beers and hot chicks after the break!

I woke up this morning and said, "I think it's time for the brown lightning." I wasn't talking about the t-shirt.

More beer, less sobriety.

We met Mike and his girlfriend, who may or may not be his baby's mama.  He has a 5 year-old who plays soccer.  He recommended that we move on to a bar called Green Street if we expected to have our own 5 year old soccer players.

Our first attempt at making soccer babies went poorly.  Note to self: Never, ever, get a tattoo in SLC.

Malcolm is from Togo.  That may be the only place that you have an excuse to come to Salt Lake City from.  He was not a Mormon to the best of our knowledge.

Pool skill gets chicks.  This is a fact.  You hit the white ball, right?

Not long after starting to play pool, we were joined by Jacqueline and Mandy.  Jacqueline had sexy stripper legs, which you may or may not be able to see here.  She was my teammate and distracted Spammer enough so we could win.  Apparently, women think winning is sexy.

Mandy didn't really look like a monkey, I'm just not a very good photographer, and she was sad to lose so badly.  Spammer's face seem's sad, but I think that's a pool cue in his pocket!

After wearing out our welcome with the pool girls, we looked for greener pastures.  That led us to Jamie and her friend whose name we forgot.  We'll call her "Rack".

She seemed more excited to be out of focus in this picture ... not suprisingly.

That was enough fun for one night ... we have a long day ahead of us ... this nice taxi driver from Iraq took us home.  He was divorced from a "Mexican woman" and called himself a "player".  Sure.

Time for bed, enjoy the shots!